Here we are in mid-2026, and the Securities and Exchange Commission has finally been handed the holy grail of corporate absurdity.

When a company decides to go public, it files an S-1 prospectus, a document historically so dry it could desiccate a slug. They are drafted by exhausted lawyers to ensure absolutely no one is ever accidentally entertained.

Enter SpaceX.

Reading through SpaceX’s newly minted S-1 is less like doing financial due diligence and more like binge-reading L. Ron Hubbard while running a fever.

It opens with 14 pages of glamorous, high-def rocket photography, instantly channeling the ghost of Adam Neumann’s ill-fated WeWork filing. But where WeWork merely wanted to "elevate the world's consciousness," SpaceX is here to "extend the light of consciousness to the stars." A phrase, by the way, that appears ten times in the filing. The word "profit" makes a much rarer, almost sheepish cameo.

Right out of the gate, management warns potential investors that "we do not want humans to have the same fate as dinosaurs." A fair point! No one likes meteors. But usually, an asteroid defense strategy isn't the primary bull case for a $1.75 trillion valuation.

The Great Interplanetary Bait-and-Switch

If you’ve spent the last two decades thinking SpaceX is a rocket company, you are painfully out of touch. The S-1 reveals a plot twist worthy of M. Night Shyamalan: SpaceX is actually an Artificial Intelligence company.

According to the filing, a staggering 93% of the company's $28.5 trillion Total Addressable Market (a number larger than the GDP of the United States) is attributed to AI. Based on capital expenditure, 60% of all SpaceX spending is currently being shoveled directly into the furnace of artificial intelligence infrastructure.

Let’s look at the actual financials. The company boasts $18.7 billion in revenue. That is a lot of money, roughly the same revenue as Kellogg’s. But Kellogg’s makes Froot Loops and makes a profit. SpaceX, on the other hand, posted a net loss of $4.9 billion last year. The Starlink satellite internet division is the only adult in the room, churning out $4.4 billion in operating profit. That profit is immediately seized, dragged out back, and set on fire by the space division and the AI division, which together ate over $9 billion.

Musk’s pitch to the public markets is remarkably transparent: Please buy my space stock so I can use your money to subsidize my failing AI ventures.

Shopping Sprees and Cybertrucks

If you’re wondering how corporate governance works at a $1.75 trillion Martian startup, the answer is: it doesn't.

Through a dual-class share structure, Elon Musk holds 85% of the voting power. You, the retail investor, get the privilege of funding the company, but the filing explicitly states you will have zero ability to influence corporate matters, elect directors, or sue the company for anything it does. You are not an owner; you are a patron of the arts.

And what arts they are! Buried in the related-party transactions is the revelation that SpaceX spent $650 million buying goods from Tesla last year. This includes $131 million spent on 1,500 Cybertrucks. All bought at full retail price. No bulk discounts. Because nothing screams "agile interplanetary logistics" like forcing your rocket company to bail out your car company's inventory of polygonal steel trucks that struggle with car washes.

It gets better. SpaceX is currently carrying $20 billion in lease obligations for AI infrastructure tied to a firm run by Antonio Gracias(a sitting SpaceX board member). In accounting terms, this is a "failed sale-leaseback." In layman's terms, it is a $20 billion IOUs to a buddy, resting comfortably on the balance sheet of the company you are about to invest in.

Paying the CEO in "Improbable" Mars Colonies

Then there is the matter of executive compensation. Musk is slated to receive $1 billion in restricted shares. However, these shares only vest if SpaceX establishes a permanent human colony on Mars with one million people.

Why would the board approve this? Because under accounting rules, if a company admits a milestone is "improbable," they don't have to expense the cost. So, tucked away in the footnotes of the greatest space IPO in history, SpaceX legally admits to the SEC that actually colonizing Mars is highly unlikely. But hey, it keeps the balance sheet looking clean today!

The Wall Street Circus

Naturally, Wall Street is falling over itself to underwrite this masterpiece. Twenty-three banks have crammed their logos onto the prospectus. Goldman Sachs' CEO DJ D-Sol reportedly secured the lead left position by having his staff draft Twitter DMs to Musk, because in 2026, trillion-dollar underwriting mandates are secured the same way you try to get VIP access to a Miami nightclub. Morgan Stanley, meanwhile, has been relegated to an alphabetical co-lead, a demotion that practically counts as a blood feud in investment banking.

To make this all work, the entire $1.75 trillion valuation hinges on the Starship rocket flying hundreds of times a year, carrying 200 tons of AI servers and direct-to-cell satellites into orbit to generate revenue. The only slight hiccup? As of today, Starship is still in its "rapid unscheduled disassembly" phase. It has yet to reliably carry so much as a banana to orbit.

But who cares about physics when you have vibes? SpaceX isn’t asking you to invest in a business. They are asking you to fund a $1.75 trillion sci-fi cinematic universe where AI rules the galaxy, Earth-to-Earth travel happens in 30 minutes, and no one ever sues the CEO.

Buy the stock if you want. Just don't say you weren't warned about the dinosaurs.